Finding ways

The idea is to learn presence in every situation, like zen practice, just be there with yourself always. Urges to share it is to turn away from it. The direction of movement should be towards oneself, says Suzuki the zen master. Stay with oneself, make any movement a circle that goes back to oneself. Just stay…

But what to do with the urge to analyse, to be stimulated in thought, without turning the movement away from oneself? Analysis can quickly become a mission to share, to argue, to win, to achieve. How to do this in a way that is still presence? Then again, in order to start, continue, and finish a particular process, such as a thesis, presence is required. Or to enjoy it, presence is required.

The urge to procrastinate a project – how is it related to anxiety? One may procrastinate in order to avoid anxiety, which is associated to the project (the current example) – And there is simply no need to feel anxiety while being present, while staying with oneself, maybe not even possible – so the anxiety comes perhaps from the ideas attached to the performance, to working on the project — because the performance/the work is associated with the end result, which is associated with demands of achievement, of success. If one is attached to a certain end result, this will feel demanding, which will create performance anxiety, which will cause one either to procrastinate or to work under great stress. The attention is not towards what is happening in the present, what the body is doing, but on demands of achievement in the future. This means the mind and body are split in two (dualism). This split causes anxiety. The anxiety isn’t necessary, it only prevents one to live fully, to express oneself fully in the moment. And feel good. 

The Question of Goals

Goals are transitions, not end points. You don’t get there and then you’re finished. It’s all movement, process. Goals are sticks you put in the ground and you say, I’m gonna get there. And when you get there, what do you do? You go someplace else. Or you die, and go someplace else.

Wishes for the new year

I don’t just happen. I choose how to act, how to respond. And those times when I think I’m just happening, I’ve forgotten my choice. My responsibility is to remember.

I want to be able to remember acceptance. I want to be able to remember how to breathe. I want to be able to remember how to communicate. I want to be able to remember how I’m feeling and refrain from acting on my impulses sometimes.

Silence

Maybe silence signals that it is about you. While one may believe silence is communication, indeed some do, it is maybe only about your relationship with you. And once in a while you confuse other people with you, when in fact it is not about them.

Silence is the conversation you are having with yourself.

Nunc

Finding ways to come back to the place I just left.